Found inside Page 372I made arrangements, before I left the office, to have a copy of the press conference delivered to the house this evening. ", Jack says, "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. As they soon realized, this young woman was a fabulous golfer. Good Food Good food, Good meat, Good God, Let's eat! For food and friends on golfing days. Time to share with others asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient. "Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub.". Debbie T. Alsup Bless This Mess Lord, and the fellowship above par! Dear lord, for drives that soar, and chips that hold. He proposed they put up $100 each on the outcome. Hernandez Middle School Staff, Amen. Dear lord, for drives that soar, and chips that hold. He succumbed to temptation and accepted the invitation. 10 and hit the exact shot he had hit a week before. People who were brought up with some kind of grace before a meal often remember it as a time of reflection and calm, a moment to savour and celebrate. Physically attractive with independence , intelligence and grace . Cleaning. I recall being creased up with laughter at . flexible, if the nine iron won't do the trick, maybe the pitching wedge will.. that the lowest handicaps aren't necessarily earned by the women with the latest fashions in golfing attire or the most expensive set of clubs, Marvin was a 14-handicapper, but one day he walked up to his club pro, a scratch golfer, and challenged him to a match. Dutifully, he did. On the good days and the bad. My wife has been going out with "the girls" a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them.". hills, the valleys, the winding wood,inspire a soul to sing,was ever there such beauty, Lordwhere rolls the emerald There are also some good biblical examples of thanksgiving prayers for food, two short dinner prayers to say before eating, an ancient . the wife valiantly asks. ", "Yeah," his wife replied, "and can you believe my idiot husband went golfing?". #6. where I learn that some things a place where love extends. Bless this food before us set, it needs all the help that it can get. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away.". You twirl Your mighty finger, Arnie thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. "Have we not," he asked, "a cardinal who can represent me against the leader of Israel? Send divine helpers to their rescue. We're very sorry about that," Ray replied. Seriously, there's no reason not to use the grace prayer of your parents. !function(d,s,id){var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0],p=/^http:/.test(d.location)? "Well, no," says the nun. "What happened? The Catholic says a prayer, jumps off, and becomes paralyzed for the rest of his life, but survives the fall. Tune: Rock Around the Clock. I can hear the comments now, 'Latin, what's that?'. "What matters most it that your health is blessed, and we shall all pray for you today.". Note/photo. for what I lack,and when I find the water, where I learn that some thingsare better left alone.And when the Humorous Ways to Say Grace Before Meals Here are some humorous prayers I've written about food, plus a few from other writers. For putts that drop when hit too bold. On the first tee, Lee turns to Gary and says, "What do you say we make this time worth something. For the great ones and the small. FLYER Club Member. When Jim-Bob finished up on No. First, we thank you for the day. Again the announcement: "Would the man on the woman's tee kindly back up to the men's tee. It was just a few degrees above freezing, and the rain was coming down steady and icy cold. If he makes his 10-foot putt, he wins $200. Kisser Bless the meat damn the skin open your kisser and cram it in' Good Good. A preacher who liked to play golf every Wednesday at a modest public golf course was standing on the elevated tee at the sixth hole of that course. When we're happy, when we're sad. Funniest Ways to Say Grace Jokes from Prayables: Mealtime is more fun when you say Grace with a sense of humor! Jim-Bob asked, "I lost it in the sun." Let kindness come with every gift. The tee shot is across a pond to a tight fairway. You can even take a moment to explain what it really means to your family to ensure they don't get the wrong ideas. So Debra and the genie went upstairs. So James took a mighty swing and struck the ball and the ball caromed off a tree branch, ricocheted off the building and hit his wife in the head, knocking her stone cold dead. Bill and his assigned caddie started off the first tee of the fancy resort course Bill was playing. His wife was still in bed when he got there, so he took off his clothes, snuggled up to his wife's backside and said "Terrible weather out there. I hope that when I reach Heaven I can still play golf. Brent Kelley is an award-winning sports journalist and golf expert with over 30 years in print and online journalism. By Anonymous, from Sarah McElwain's "Saying Grace." Group Graces: 1. "You know, considering our good fortune today, all thanks to this genie, I guess it would be OK. Lord, bless this food and grant that we. nonsmoker. There are dozens of beautiful ways to give thanks. I only know the one from boarding school that goes: for what we are about to receive may the lord . He took a few practice swings, and looked across the river to the immaculate private country club nearby. "I can't do that," James said. Founder & Pres. Our Partners | "I'm so sorry!" It has been a joy working for you over the past 22 years. All that because you hooked a tee shot!". Grant us a portion of your power, smoothness and accuracy. Join | He set off down the fairway, walking towards the women. Ray senses trouble when he sees the big house sitting right next to the fairway on the right side - right where Debra's slice might take her ball. LE. ", Brandon hurries over to the edge of the ravine and yells down, "What's the matter Dan? Give us poise, perseverance and patience in our golfing efforts. EclecticArtsOfJoy. ", I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the voice yelled, "Would the man on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee. that You call man.Can this be an island, Lord ?A place of grace and charm.Away from daily trouble Lord,away Thank You, Shalom, Ah-men. 12 x 10" Mounted. He headed to the first tee, and this time his caddie was 80 years old. and when I find the water, It should be here by now. Rhyming Mealtime Prayer #3 - For Rest and Home Thank you God, for this food, for rest and home, and all things good. Found inside Page 47Fitting in all these operations as not to disrupt the golfing calendar, End of Donald Steels visit/report. "No way," James said. "I was playing golf with my wife," DeShaun replied. This book is an invaluable resource for those called upon to say Grace before or after a meal on formal occasions. For our family and our friends. For putts that drop when hit too bold. May we call upon your Holy Name only More colours. God is greatly moved by Jack's high-pitched eloquence, and he offers him a seat to his right. Athletic competition is a very human endeavor. If you want to grow closer to Jesus Christ, reciting a daily prayer by yourself or with your family before you eat is a great way to seek blessings and give thanks to the Lord. Lengthen their woods and straighten their irons. Debbie T. Alsup. Funny Prayer about Getting Old - Home Instead Home Instead 47.4K subscribers Subscribe 137K Share 24M views 12 years ago With the timing of a professional comedian, this diminutive "little old. Jim-Bob was a little worried, but his concerns disappeared after his first tee shot. Give us this day our daily bread. A nurse and a doctor rushed over to help him to an examining room. Thank You for bringing us together on Christmas day to share a meal. ", "Well," Charlie says, "we were married for 25 years. Inside. Thank you, Jesus, for them all. "Well what makes you so sure I'm cheating and lying, anyway?" His ball had always fallen short, into the water. Before I start my speech, the management of this hotel have asked me to point out that the sign in the gents 'Wet Floor,' is a warning not an instruction. golfers leave as friends ! "But " he said, deep in thought, "what if we offered to make Jack Nicklaus a cardinal? So grant me strength that I may not fall, Into the clutches of cholesterol. I'm very disappointed in this preacher. Another player spoke up: "My company has a reserved tee time at that club for us every Sunday morning, and it's all paid for, too. It was at that moment, crouching behind my clubs, that I noticed that the graphite shaft on my driver appeared to have a hairline crack right by the club head. ", "Help me, dear," the wife implores, "find a doctor.". Traditional Irish blessing - you might know this one. Ready to laugh, then? Amen Father, thank you for allowing us to share this meal together. God, What is my fascination with this game? His ball had always fallen short, into the water. It's the host's honor to say grace. "Don't worry," the elderly caddie replied, "I saw exactly where it landed.". "Well, give me the good news," he said. Stay off your thighs! He succumbed to temptation and accepted the invitation. the Mother Superior asks. I've been trapped in that bottle for so long would you mind allowing me to make the final wish?". greenOh God, I know You are a golfer,Your work does thus demand.It seems Your only handicap,is this thing When facing outward on lifes the fog, beneath the mist,that drifts across the ground,You twirl Your mighty finger,and spin this world around.The one by one. Amen -- A T (Sandy) Morton on the Bicycle Island In the Global Village http://www.millport.net John 17 years ago But above all, O Lord, bestow on them a saving 9. A husband and wife head out to the golf course to play golf together for the first time. "Well," Jim-Bob said, "my caddie was nice guy and he tried really hard. Just as he was closing the trunk of his car, a police officer spotted him. He played golf every Sunday religiously, but only after attending church services. A week after the funeral, James and another friend, Ashley, were having a round. Gary asks indignantly. Prayers. and when I'm playing scramble, His ball had always fallen short, into the water. Found inside Page 154Gifts like these are fun to make and wonderful to receive. "As the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!". Dan takes a closer look only to discover that it is an 8-iron - and it's in the hands of a human skeleton laying near an old golf ball! Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts. Share these at your holiday table or just your regular dinner table! A place of grace and charm. Praying before meals is such an important way to connect with family and friends to thank God for the food on your table. "Would you like to join us and make a foursome?" Finally, God turns to Woods: "And you, Tiger, what do you believe? The men were wondering who would have the nerve to give her advice! Blessed art Thou oh Lord our God ! putt, didn't you?". After Lee hits a great drive, right down the middle, Gary steps up and promptly hooks a ball into deep rough and trees. A multi-ethnic, multi-generation family sitting down at a table holding hands with eyes closed and saying a prayer before having a meal outside on a patio in the sun. ", "Don't worry," Marvin replied, "I'll use one of my 'gotchas' on the first tee and you'll understand.". Canny_Geordie Forumite. ", I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice. May this meal bring us strength and health. love reign supreme in all our golfing and kindred activities. Bless our staff, our officers, our champions, our duffers. ", "No, Mother Superior," says the nun. The Pope met with his cardinals to discuss a proposal from the prime minister of Israel. where I learn that I have friends "I'll walk ahead and ask them if we can play through," Wesley said. Lord, make us thankful for our food, Bless us with faith in Jesus' blood ; With bread of life our souls supply, That we may live with Christ on high. "Yes, sir. If you are a tall, trim, successful man with a sense of humor, warmth and self- confidence, 38-48, Found insideShortly before the start of the 1972 seasonon December 18, 1971, to be preciseRobert Tyre Jones, Jr., it would be a blessing, since the spinal disease Jones was afflicted withsyringomyeliawas inordinately cruel and crippling. "And these thy gifts from thy bounty". But they are in terrific physical shape, and we're just trying to help them earn a little extra money, get some exercise and stay young.". Dear earth who gives to us this food, Dear sun who makes it ripe and good, Sun above and earth below, Our loving thanks to you we show. You drew the bubbling little brook. He thought to himself, "I haven't missed a Sunday service in 17 years of preaching. "The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down! "I prefer to select my own clubs and make my own putts without advice from men. His wife advised him to hit the shot through a narrow gap between the side of the building and some branches. Let the captives rejoice, for their Redeemer is born. Give us poise, perseverance and patience in our golfing efforts. He said something about winning a trophy & sticking it up Tigers bl##ck arse! our prayer. Seeking outgoing, confident, attractive S/DWPM/NS. where I discover things I never knew were there, and spin this world around. May we always stay in bounds. "Your Holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "The Israeli prime minister wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths. ", Lee lets out a heavy sigh. Later, on the beautiful practice green, the preacher fit right in but couldn't help feeling conspicuous. ", "Well, last time I tried that shot," James said, "I made a double bogey! You can't get out of this stuff with an 8.". Like Arnold, I believe in hard work. Example quotes. Months go by and there's no sign of rescue, and not even a soccer ball to keep him company. Ready to laugh, then? Livia Weaver learned this song when she lived in an orphanage in Haiti. humorous grace before meals golf. William Answered the nun: "Well, I was golfing and hit this fabulous drive that looked like it was going to go 280 yards, but it struck a phone line hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground only 100 yards from the tee. You'd cheat me and lie to me, for what? Despite all the pomp and circumstance that you might have experienced when it comes to meal blessings -- you don't need to overdo it; a simple thank you will do. Lord, as I walk down the fairways of life, You might even fully awaken from the unfunny dream of "me" to Absolute Bliss! Help | "No, not yet. the golf pro asked, "what's that? "From the smallest morsel to this mega feast, we are forever . The kiddos will follow a treasure hunting map performing fun tasks and collecting stickers and other items, before receiving their bag of "treasure" at the end; Sunday at 2:30pm. A young man, his father and his grandfather were about to tee off to start their round when an incredibly good-looking woman walked up to the tee box. The usual signs. A Golfer's Prayer. Imagine, ancient tribal peoples playing golf! Help us love You more. ", God replied, "Don't worry Pete, I've got it all figured out.". Although I was honored to have been asked to return thanks, I really wasn't sure what I should pray about. Prefer running to walking (unless uphill). Be with us, that we may enjoy Do you feel good in a black dinner dress and look good in cut-off jeans? Jim-Bob and his caddie started up the fairway in the direction where the old man said he'd seen the ball. PRAYERS MENTIONING FAMILY AND FRIENDS. Take a practice swing.". Then God turns to Nicklaus and says, "What do you believe? (Izaak Walton) Prayer before meals for kids ", Dan replies, "Bring me my 7-iron. 2. Miguel started up the fairway, only to stop halfway and turn back. Thou hast made the sand, the grass the trees, 1. Saying grace connects us with those who are responsible for bringing us our food. But just then, God waived his hand and created the perfect little wind. Amen. Help | We're gonna thank You, Lord, you're outta sight! Any doubt was dispelled by the discovery of drawings showing human figures using primitive prototypes of golf clubs. It could be raining and cold, but Bob didn't care. He always picked out one that had a cut or a nick, as did many other "average" golfers when negotiating very challenging holes. I've always liked "God bless this bunch as they crunch their lunch". Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than dinner for two. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro shop where I bought it? The Deep Meaning Behind the Prayer Before Meals. 146 satisfied customers. But all of a sudden yesterday the boss says we have to travel out of town for a week. God is greatly moved by Jack's high-pitched eloquence, and he offers him a seat to his right. Funny prayers that rhyme. The scenic setting inspires a real appreciation for the beauty of God's creation. + Found inside Page 141Seeks Grace Kelly/Kate Hepburn or beautiful, very slim Christian lady, under 35, with wit, grace and giving - who NYM B204 Are You The Active Young Man 65-72, seeking to share enjoyment of tennis, golf, dancing, walking, fun, We've compiled some of golfers' favorite golf jokes. Grace Before Meals: Mealtime Prayers. Bless this food you've provided for me, delivery was late so I got it for free. universe, who has so graciously given us not only our food, but also so. "We're both 35," Debra responded breathlessly. The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the small green that is on a small spit of land. be runneth over.Surely birdies and eagles shall follow me all the rounds of my life:and I will dwell in the clubhouse These sorts of "ceremonies" are mostly harmless and, as you know, do more good than harm. You've blessed us with the beauty of nature, the abilities of mind and body, plus the insights of modern technology. However, before he could hit the ball, a powerful voice from above seemed to be booming out from the clouds, saying: "Wait! All present join hands in a circle around the table, and are silent for half a minute or so as they collect their thoughts, meditate or pray. "You bet!" The Buddhist says a prayer, jumps off, and is caught by a giant Buddha hand, and says,"Thank God." The hand then proceeds drops him. And open the door of love all over the world. are actually when I am in the rough, "Just once I'd like to play at that gorgeous course," the preacher said to his foursome. Thank you for the food we eat. If you enjoyed this article please consider sharing it! Charlie lines up his putt, but just as he's about to take his stance, a funeral procession begins passing by on the road that runs alongside the 18th hole. Click here to view the new forum & register for free. Thank you for this food, may you bless it to our bodies. enjoys golf and traveling. Ray and Debra looked at each other, and whispered back-and-forth for a few seconds. For putts that drop when hit too bold. Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with "the girls". tee Whater may be my fate, Grant --- I pray --- this boom to me That I may drive them straight ", "None that plays golf very well," a cardinal repied. ", "OK," Miguel said with understanding. "I'm sorry. But on the ninth green, something terrible happens. Glass was all over the floor, and a broken antique bottle lay on its side near the smashed window. ISO home cooked meal and / or creative outdoorsy SWF . Carpenito 12/23/07+ Bless each bite. ", So Tom headed to church. Bob was a religious golfer. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true sportsman, both on and off the playing fields.". "I would, but on one condition," replied the lovely young woman. Everyone agreed it was a good idea. in praise, and leave cursing the Devil Posts: 62. Tom was a man of faith, and a man of the golf course. The game of golf can be very therapeutic. I have heard goofy/funny people called douchebags so many times. The ones included here are longer jokes, more of the "story" kind of golf joke. Grace Before Meals Prayer Poster :) Bless The Food. and golfers leave as friends ! Their wonderment grew with each passing day as they revealed more of what had been hidden by the jungle for millennia. "Why, yes, it did," said Chuck. The husband runs off as fast as he can to find a doctor. Other religions, such as Islam, Judaism and Hinduism have similar traditions involving prayers before a meal. Useful Links. are better left alone. Years later, living in the deep south of the United States, it was common to be quelled, with fork poised, by the cod-eye of the host until a grace, either handed down through the family or . Traditionally, sharing a meal is an expression of human intimacy; that is why the Pharisees were so outraged at Jesus' eating with tax collectors and sinners (Matthew 9:10-11). "Heavenly Father, bless this food, and bless our friends and family who've come to dine with us today. Grace, 14, says her mother is outgoing, funny and very caring. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through.". When your golf ball broke the bottle, I finally was set free! Thank God for the Grub. And. I discover things I never knew were there,and when I'm in the deepest sand,where I learn that there is a time to walk With our goals before us, And no task beyond us, With a thirst for knowledge, And a dream of a Polio free world, We are thankful for our Rotary friends and the meal we are about to share. If he accepted the gift, he would have to miss Sunday worship. ", Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus and Tiger Woods are standing at the throne of heaven. He thought for a moment, then blurted out, "I want $10 million a year for the rest of my life. Open our minds and hearts to the lessons this game can teach us about life.. that we shouldn't give up after a few bad holes, because things will probably get better if we just keep trying. The brush is terribly thick and tearing at Dan's clothes. A Golfers 39, with warmth, wit and integrity, seeks warm, pretty, unpretentious woman with humor, grace and heart. he asked. Thou O Lord, bless ll our meal today, and may Thy spiritual Presence (this one is a good one for all the moms out there!) The doctor was incredulous. Gifts of grace that heaven lends. Holi. The Lord's Prayer Before Meals Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; Thy kingdom come; thy will be done; on earth as it is in heaven. This one is my favorite. Right now, if I make this putt, I'll have par for the course, and I'm asking for your advice. the Mother Superior asks. He said something about winning a trophy & sticking it up Tigers bl##ck arse! Ray asked him. The best example of democracy I can recall is five wolves sitting down to dinner with one sheep. We can offer to make him a cardinal, then ask him to play the Israeli prime minister as your personal representative. Meatballs in Creamy Vodka Sauce Serves: 6 l Prep Time: 20 Minutes I Cooking Time: 20 Minutes MEATBALL5 To make the meatballs. Log In | ", A wife and her husband are sitting around one evening, just talking, when the wife suddenly asks, "If I died, would you re-marry? slim, attractive, princess with the beauty of Cleopatra, the charm of Princess Grace, the wit of Queen Elizabeth, Maven Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website.
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